How to Ditch Your New Year's Resolution w/J. Rosemarie Francis

J. Rosemarie Francis (00:00)

Have you ditched your New Year's resolution yet? Don't forget, Thursday, January 16th is Ditch Your New Year's Resolution Day.

Welcome to Solo Moms Talk. We celebrate and empower solo moms like you to live intentionally and boldly. Today, I want to talk about why you should ditch the traditional New Year's resolution and embrace a more meaningful way to set and achieve your goals.

J. Rosemarie Francis (00:30)

Would you believe it? Yeah, Thursday, January 16th is Ditch Your New Year's Resolution Day. So let me ask you something. Did you set a New Year's resolution? And if you did, are you going to be ditching it on Thursday? And why would you be ditching a New Year's resolution? Why do you set New Year's resolutions? Look, the problem with resolutions is they don't work, right? So that's why halfway through the first month, we're celebrating ditching those resolutions.

J. Rosemarie Francis (01:00)

You know, by now, most people who made resolutions on January 1st have already fallen off the wagon. Why? Because resolutions don't work. Studies show that only about 9 to 12% of people stick to their New Year's resolutions. Resolutions don’t work because they’re vague, unrealistic, and imposed by societal norms or external pressure. Everybody's doing it, so I’m doing it too.

J. Rosemarie Francis (01:30)

We like the idea that January 1 is a magical day to transform our lives. But there's no emotional connection. There's no commitment. We just want to think that we use it to assuage our guilt for not achieving our goals the year before. No, stop that. None of that.

J. Rosemarie Francis (01:50)

I remember I used to celebrate New Year's as my day to start over, you know, and I used to resolve that I’m going to do better. I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to lose 20 pounds, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that, right? I’m going to save, I’m going to be better, I’m going to learn something new, only to find myself right back on the couch with my friends Ben and Jerry. It never worked because there’s no intention behind it. There’s just fluff and no real connection.

J. Rosemarie Francis (02:20)

Just think about that. Jim Rohn says that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting to get a different result. Right? So before I turned 50, I decided that I was going to use my birthday as my point of reference for achieving my goals. I didn’t even know it was a thing. I just had this idea that, you know, I’m 50 now and I’m going to change the way I do things, change the way I work, and take better care of myself.

J. Rosemarie Francis (02:50)

And so that was the point. That was the epitaph that got me started down this route of intentionally setting goals for my life. On that note, I have a confession to make. The time when I’m most miserable, the time when I feel like I am unstable and lack control in my life, is when I either neglect to set goals or ignore the goals that I set for myself.

J. Rosemarie Francis (03:10)

So why do you need this emotional connection with setting goals? This quote by an unknown author should give you an idea of what I’m talking about: “Your emotions are the fuel that drives your goals.” Once your emotion is involved, you are more inspired and motivated to take action.

J. Rosemarie Francis (03:30)

And I know you have a lot on your plate, but believe me, setting goals saves your time. We don’t have time for fooling ourselves with empty promises and resolutions. We need goals. We need our goals to mean something so that we don’t waste our time with stuff that just stresses us out, right? So if your goals aren’t connected to your heart, your dreams, and your unique circumstances, they won’t last.

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:00)

You know, you’ll get tired of thinking about them. And so that is why setting intentional goals, and tying them to your birthday — something that we women, you know, the older we get, the more we think about our birthday — that is why it's so powerful. You know, the biggest thing about this is that we start to take responsibility for what happens to us.

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:30)

So it’s another year, another gray hair, another little ring around the belly. Whose responsibility is that to fix so that it is the way we want it, right? Not a resolution so people can see, but real goals set to help us get to where we want, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:50)

So let’s flip the script and use your birthday as your personal marker, your milestone for setting goals. Your birthday is that day that it’s just... it’s yours. You know, I have a friend that we celebrate the same birthday, but technically it’s yours, right? It’s your day, your special day. You can do what you want with it, right? And it’s a natural moment to reflect on the past year. You’re 48 now. What did 47 look like? And what do you want 49 to look like?

J. Rosemarie Francis (05:20)

It’s all within your grasp, it’s within your power. You know, the other night I had a dream and I was driving. They say that when you’re driving in a dream, it means you’re in control. But I turned out, I deliberately turned down the wrong way down a one-way street. And that was an answer to something I was praying about. And I realized that I have control over my own actions.

J. Rosemarie Francis (05:40)

I see goal setting, you know, there are a lot of rules around goal setting. You know, there’s the SMART goals and there’s this and there’s that, but I’m not here to talk about frameworks right now because that hasn’t gotten us anywhere. Right now, I have a three-step process for setting goals and working out a format for reaching them simply.

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:00)

So here’s the first step: write your goals down. Number one, write down three big goals. Let’s do threes. Three big goals. I want to take a trip to Cancun. I want to graduate. I want to get a master’s degree. I want to lose 50 pounds. I don’t know. Make three big goals.

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:20)

Then for each of those goals, let’s say you want to take a trip to Cancun for your next birthday for one week. If you don’t have the money to go to Cancun, but you really see a desire and dream, write down three things you could do to make that dream possible. So maybe one, you want to make a little savings account for your Cancun trip, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:40)

So you’re going to put away, you’re going to decide how much you want to put away in that bucket — your Cancun bucket — each week, each month, each year, so you could go on that trip. So write three things down. For each of those three big dreams, write three things that you could do to get to that goal.

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:00)

Like I said, you’re going to save the money, you’re going to plan the trip, right? And you’re going to do a vision board. And I would do a vision board for each of those things, right? So it’s three things for each of them, right? And then for those three things and those three steps you’re going to take, break down each of them into three things you can do right now.

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:20)

So with the Cancun thing, what can you do right now? Can you do a little research? Can you spend, you know, maybe, because if you’ve never been to Cancun before, you may want to know how much it costs for the airfare. That’s something you could do. You could go Google flight or Skyscanner and just get an idea of how much it is going to cost, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:40)

Because if you’re going to save, you’re going to want to know how much it costs. So that’s what I would do, rather than go through all these complicated frameworks and mind maps and whatnot, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:50)

Then the second thing I would do after you’ve made those lists — three, three, three — right? So first write them down. Get a journal, get a notebook, write down those three things. And then three things you could do to achieve them. And then three things you could start right this minute today to take a step towards that, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (08:10)

And each day you’re going to do something, or each week you’re going to put aside some time, five minutes, to do one thing for each of those three dreams. If it’s to lose the weight, maybe you want to do research for what eating plan you’re going to do to lose the weight, right?

J. Rosemarie Francis (08:30)

Are you going to walk? How far are you going to walk? Do you need to do any research on maybe any health challenges you have? Do you need to see a doctor, a naturopath, or a nutritionist? You know, those things you’re going to make a list on and try to take steps to follow through on your thought process.

J. Rosemarie Francis (08:50)

Please write them down. Create a vision board for these three things. Even if it’s just writing that goal on a sticky note and sticking it on the wall. Want to lose six pounds by whatever. Let’s say you wanted to lose 50 pounds by your next birthday. That’s a year, let’s say. Let’s assume it’s a year.

J. Rosemarie Francis (09:10)

Maybe each month, maybe you start to develop an eating plan. Are you going to do intermittent fasting? Are you going to do keto? Are you going to juice? Then, so you’re going to have to be intentional about this. I wouldn’t advise a crash diet. A 12-month is a good length of time to lose weight.

J. Rosemarie Francis (09:30)

And so you’ll need to do something like exercise, like walking and then watching what you eat. If you drink soda, maybe a good time to cut it out. If you’re a bread lover like I am, you may want to reduce that a little bit. I wouldn’t cut out everything. I would just reduce some things and make some adjustments, add in some fresh veggie juice, stuff like that.

J. Rosemarie Francis (09:50)

Do these three, three, three and see if you can make a dent in each of those things, right? And then at the end of each month, I would review