Reclaim Connection With Yourself w/Allison Rothman

[00:00:00] J. Rosemarie: SoloMoms! Talk was designed to curate the stories of solo moms globally. As the facilitator of this platform, I aim to create a peaceful environment where you can share your heart, feel loved and get the advice you need. So if this sounds like you, why not RSVP for next virtual meetup? The link is below it's where you can retreat from the chaos of your life.[00:00:25] So you can recharge. All the moms and get answers to your burning questions. Remember you're not alone and you don't have the parents in silence.[00:00:37] My guess today is Alison Rothman. Alison is a solo mom, and I'm always excited to talk to solo moms. Welcome, Alison. Thank you so much, [00:00:47] Alison Rothman: yes, definitely treat [00:00:50] J. Rosemarie: for me to, first of all, tell me, are you still a solo mom? I [00:00:54] Alison Rothman: am. I have been for 11 years. Okay. [00:00:57] J. Rosemarie: So tell me, how did you become a [00:01:00] solo mom? [00:01:00] Alison Rothman: Well, my son is 12.[00:01:02] He'll be 13 in May and I had. Just a very short, tumultuous marriage and realized pretty quickly that I didn't want to live my life in a relationship that was not life enhancing. We'll just say very abusive and dysfunctional. And so when my son was one I just decided I was just going to do it on my own. And 11 years later, we are, we are on our own and he lives with me full time.[00:01:32] And we're an incredible team. It's, it's actually a very, very special relationship. [00:01:38] J. Rosemarie: Yes. Yes, mom and their boys. I have three. I know. [00:01:46] Alison Rothman: Oh, okay. No it's so it's just so special. [00:01:50] J. Rosemarie: Hm. And so what has been your biggest struggle throughout the last 11 years? [00:01:57] Alison Rothman: Well, you know, I mean, I think what's coming to me [00:02:00] is really a cultivating community in my parenting because I didn't really have, and I still don't have anybody in my life who is in a similar position.[00:02:12] So I always felt very alone in my, just in my parenting relationship. And it was hard to kind of merge with other families because it was two parents and there just was just a level of not really understanding. So I think the isolation was definitely the hardest. And especially when my son was little and he was a challenging young one and doing it alone.[00:02:38] It was very hard, you know? So it's, it's a whole different world now with him being a tween and we definitely have community and he can be at friends. And, but when he was little, it was, it was very, very challenging. So I would say that would be kind of across the board, the most challenging piece. [00:02:56] J. Rosemarie: Yeah.[00:02:56] Yes. [00:02:57] Yes. And, and that's a big challenge [00:03:00] for, for us solo moms, even when there are people around. 'cause, you know, it's up to you. Right. So, yeah. So, okay. So, and this that's one of the reasons I started SoloMoms! Talk because I knew where I was with my two youngest boys. And when you didn't have someone even just to talk to, so [00:03:27] Alison Rothman: yeah, yeah.[00:03:28] You know, it's interesting you say that because. You know, it was hard in the challenging moments, but it was also really lonely in the joyful moments. Like not having somebody to share these monumental moments in my son's life, you know, it was like, I have extended family that I'm very close with. To have that other person who you share a child with and, and to be able to share the joys and the struggles was definitely a void for me that took me quite a while to make peace [00:04:00] with, yes.[00:04:01] Yeah. [00:04:02] J. Rosemarie: All right. So what do you do now that your son is getting independent? What did he do for a living for one? [00:04:12] Alison Rothman: Tell me I'm a Body Centered Holistic Wellness Coach. I'm based in Boulder, Colorado, and I, you know, the pandemic forced my work to be more virtual. I do see clients in person, but I have online programs that I run and I have run women's retreats and I run groups.[00:04:33] Send work one-on-one with clients, both virtually and in person. And you know, I'm an entrepreneur. So I actually have my own podcast too, but I really had to choose to be an entrepreneur so that I could have that flexibility and be there for my son. You know, somebody had to get him to, and from school, Be able to stay home if need be if he was sick, et cetera.[00:04:57] So, you know, yes, he's got a lot more [00:05:00] independence and freedom, but he still needs his mama, you know, so I've really created my vocation in a way that I can show up for him simultaneously while earning. [00:05:12] J. Rosemarie: Yes. Yes. [00:05:14] It's ironic that as a solo mom, you gain the strength, knowledge and experience of balancing, juggling, and balancing, and sometimes, you know, being a single mom is you know, it's a red mark on you, especially in the corporate world.[00:05:34] But, all that juggling, and if there's no fear involved, lead you to do things, Hey, I'm just going to do it myself. I'm just going to figure out how to make it work for me and mine. It's just a thing. Hey. [00:05:49] Alison Rothman: Yeah. You know, it's like strength that you can't even imagine having, right. I mean, that's what I think of, I think about it often and I'm like, I am so.[00:05:59] [00:06:00] Independent. I really, you know, I'm so used to doing everything that not much feels daunting to me, you know, and the inner strength that I have cultivated over these 11 years is just, it's incredible. And I, I truly don't know if I would have accessed that if I had not been on this path, so yeah. [00:06:20] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure for you.[00:06:24] I mean, we could talk all day about that, right.[00:06:30] But tell me about this bodywork that you do. [00:06:33] Alison Rothman: Well, I don't do hands-on bodywork anymore. I used to, but I work holistically so holistic. Do you know what holistic wellness is? It's approaching clients from all avenues, right? I've been in this field for 25 years. And so I, you know, it's, it's therapy, I'm not a therapist.[00:06:54] I am a coach, but it is a somatic based therapy. So I work [00:07:00] with people. It's a combination of talk therapy of movement, of tracking sensations in their bodies bringing deeper awareness to ingrain patterns through so many different. Ways in like, I have gazillions of tools in my tool belt that I use to draw people out, you know, meditation and mindfulness, huge for me.[00:07:23] I've been a yoga teacher and practitioner for since 1997, you know, I mean, I kind of just bring it all together and deep, deep, deep, profound healing happening in this way. [00:07:36] J. Rosemarie: Oh, okay. Thank you. That's needed. That's necessary because [00:07:41] Alison Rothman: yeah. Yeah. [00:07:44] J. Rosemarie: So I read somewhere about a near-death experience. You had what's that about?[00:07:49] Tell us [00:07:50] Alison Rothman: yes. [00:07:51] You did your research. I love it. Yes. So I Hmm. It was four [00:08:00] years ago, three and a half years ago. was traveling alone in Mexico and which I've done many, many times. And it was my birthday, my 34th birthday. And I was witness to a hit by the Mexican drug cartel and they opened fire or middle of the day and I was hiding under a bed.[00:08:19] And I was at a hotel cafe and ended up in a hotel room with a bunch of locals. Hidden under a bed. And I did not know if I was going to live or die. It was a pivotal moment in my life for obvious reasons, but you know, just recognizing the preciousness of this life, you know, it's so easy to focus on everything that's wrong and what you don't have and all the, you know, I mean, and I was definitely struggling, still kind of grappling with parenting alone and how I was going to make ends meet and, you know, the stresses with my son's dad, et cetera.[00:08:57] And that moment. It's kind of snapped [00:09:00] me awake and it just it's sent into motion, a tremendous shift in my entire way of living and being, [00:09:11] J. Rosemarie: I thought ward, right? Yeah. That is scary. Yeah. I thought about going to Mexico and this month actually because it's my birthday month. Oh. And this has nothing to do with the interview, but I'm going to ask anyway, have you gone back to Mexico and would you?[00:09:33] Alison Rothman: Good question. I have not gone back. And would I? Yes. I love the country. I love the people. I love the culture. I don't want to go alone. I would like to go with another adult. I'll just say that. I feel like, you know, having the near-death experience period was significant obviously, but having it in a foreign country [00:10:00] alone was very jarring to my, my system.[00:10:04] And so but you know, Mexico Mexico is Mexico. It's not the safest place, but I, I, again, love it. Love the people, love the culture, love the food. Like I love everything about it. And so yes. Go back when given the opportunity. [00:10:23] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. That's what I hear from everybody. Who's been, and you know, I've been in Facebook groups and that's where all, even when they're reporting something bad that happened.[00:10:31] They're still saying we just love it. You know? So that's good. That's good to hear because I go still, [00:10:39] Alison Rothman: it's beautiful. It's a special place, you know? Yeah. It's taken me a couple of years though. I definitely needed a pause for hopping back on a plane to go down there for sure. [00:10:49] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Yeah. Well, you had to recalibrate life, right?[00:10:53] Because of that. So [00:10:54] Alison Rothman: yes, absolutely. [00:10:56] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Okay. So what is Alison grateful for [00:11:00] today? [00:11:00] I am extremely grateful for my health and for my family's house, I have elderly parents who are thriving, you know, even in midst of this pandemic that there's still just so much love around and beautiful connections that I'm making on a, on a regular basis.[00:11:19] Alison Rothman: And my home. Having warmth, we have a huge storm and we just had in my community at the end of 2021, a massive wildfire wiped out a thousand homes, like a couple of miles from me. So yeah. So it's made me appreciate even more my home and my space and what I, what I own, et cetera. So, yeah. [00:11:44] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Thank you.[00:11:45] Thank you for sharing. All right. So you're a solo mom running a business and a home. How do you balance that so that you don't tear your hair out, [00:11:58] Alison Rothman: meditation [00:12:00] is my essential. I. I'm a long time practitioner, but really devoted to my practice. Nine years ago when my son was very little and I was, felt like I was drowning and I just committed to waking up I'm up at least an hour and a half before him, if not two hours and so very early in the mornings, but my practice is essential to maintaining a steadiness[00:12:26] in life. It doesn't mean I'm always steady. I have my moments, but I am, I'm pretty regimented with my practices and meditation being baseline. And then, you know, several others that, that keep me, keep me in check. Okay. [00:12:41] J. Rosemarie: All right. Thank you. And then moving on from that extending that actually, how do you practice self care in addition to meditation, you know, what does your self care routine look like?[00:12:54] Alison Rothman: Well, I'm kind of a self care queen, so you're asking the right. So, you know, yes, my [00:13:00] practices the morning time is, is huge. I meditate and I write, I write morning pages every morning. I eat really well, very you know, Oregon. Can whole food-based primarily, but I'm also pretty flexible. You know, I, I enjoy life and enjoy food and sleep, you know, yoga, rest exercise.[00:13:20] I'm very into, I live in Colorado, so very into nature and movement connections with people are essential. Laughter you know, finding joy in moments. And I've been obsessed with baths as of late every, I have to take a bath every single night right now, so candlelight bubbles the whole night. [00:13:45] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Oh, good.[00:13:46] Thank you. I mean, yeah, that's awesome. Holistic, right? Yeah. Okay. All right. So how can we get in touch with you if we want to talk to you? [00:13:59] Alison Rothman: Hmm [00:14:00] Thank you for asking. My website is embodymylife.com and I actually just launched that's pretty amazing virtual women's community called the empower women's community.[00:14:14] And I'm super excited about it. It's been kind of in the works for the last two years, trying to really assess what is needed during these pandemic times to keep women connecting and to keep women empowering themselves through their practices and through their connections with other women. So that just launched yesterday and I'm keeping it very affordable because I want it to be accessible for everyone.[00:14:41] And so, yeah, that's, that's all the information is on my website. [00:14:45] J. Rosemarie: Alright. [00:14:46] So we'll place a link to your website in the show notes. Very good. Good measure. Yeah. Sure. All right. So one piece of advice for solo moms. [00:14:59] Alison Rothman: Yeah. This is what's [00:15:00] coming to me. I'm going to trust it. Work with your mindset, you know, on so many levels, you know, you mentioned the stigma [00:15:08] around solo moms and it's a hard one to not take on. Right. But to really work with what a bad-ass you are, you know, and how amazing this job you have is to raise these children alone. And so to really keep, your mind in check feels like most important rather than, you know, the logistics. I mean, there are so many little logistical tricks we could talk about, but to really cultivate that deep relationship with yourself so that you can just show up every day to the best of your ability.[00:15:44] J. Rosemarie: Yes. Yeah. I agree. And I love that. Thank you. [00:15:48] Alison Rothman: You're welcome. [00:15:48] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Love yourself. So you could teach others to love you. Exactly. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Alison. [00:15:56] Anything else? [00:15:57] Alison Rothman: No this was great just [00:16:00] to dip in for, for a moment. You know, I just, I never thought I'd be a solo mom for so long. You know, you, you know, I, I went through my divorce and I thought, for sure, I would draw on somebody else to come and be a partner and be a dad to my son.[00:16:15] And it just didn't happen. I don't, I wouldn't change my path for anything. And it's taken a lot of full searching to embrace that, but I, you know, I think the more we resist persists, right. So if we can really embrace this journey, holy it's like endless possibilities, you know? [00:16:35] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. It's I had a guest the other day said that enjoy the moment, because just, just realize there's no one to tell you what to do.[00:16:44] And there's no one to check in with when you want to do something. So think positive. [00:16:50] Alison Rothman: I know. And you know, it's like remembering that it's such a precious relationship with our kids, you know? It's [00:17:00] so unique, you know, it just is. And so I just keep really trying to remind myself of that. This is an irreplaceable bond that my son and I will always have.[00:17:12] And that that's like, it's a deep truly. [00:17:15] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, sure. Thank you, Alison, for coming to speaking,[00:17:23] I said thank you for coming and talking to us today. You're [00:17:26] Alison Rothman: so welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really happy that we were able to connect Jen. [00:17:31] J. Rosemarie: Absolutely my pleasure.[00:17:33] I'm excited to share that Solomon's talk is now on YouTube. Check out these interviews on our new channel Solomon staff TV. There, you will actually see the interaction between myself and my guests. You will also find bite-size clips of daily inspiration to help you manage the struggles of everyday life.[00:17:53] So click follow mom's talk TV below to watch now.