Secrets to Finding Joy and Fulfillment w/J. Rosemarie Francis

J. Rosemarie Francis (00:00)

I had a dream last night totally related to this message. It wasn't a very long involved dream, but it's tied to this message, this episode that I created yesterday. And I know it's not an accident. In episode 28 of season seven, I talk about prior and the significant praying early in the morning. And this dream that I had came after praying.

after a long time praying to my father. So this episode is not just for you, Solomon. It's for me as well. I'm speaking to me in this dream. Listen to learn more.

Have you ever felt that despite achieving your goals, something is still missing? That elusive sense, that sense that true fulfillment seems like it's just out of your reach. I mentioned at the beginning, the dream I had this morning, last night after praying, and it's because

I believe I got this answer, this dream, because for the longest while, I have been praying and asking God to give me direction, because I do not feel like I'm on the journey I should be on. Yes, I know that solar mom's talk is my mission and my purpose for right now, but physically, did not...

I haven't felt comfortable where I am, happy, contented. And contented is what I always thrive for. So this dream I had was a combination of something I already knew and realized and something I prayed to God, asking him to give me direction for. And just in case you have doubts whether God speaks to us through dreams, I want to refer you to Job 33.

14 to 15. For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds. So yes, dreams are sometimes from God and you owe it to yourself if you have a dream to try to remember it. One, and number two, to

Ask God what it means. What is he trying to tell you? I'm going to do an episode on dreams in the near future, but I wanted to bring this up because it is so immediate. It's so now. And would you know it? The short dream I had was me driving a car down the wrong way. And I could see the arrow on the road pointing at me, signifying that I am driving down the wrong way.

But I kept driving and I did it twice and it was on the second time when I made that turn down the wrong way that I recognized I was going the wrong way. People were looking at me. And even when I, when the second time when I turned down the wrong street, there was a girl standing looking at me and she moved out of my path so I could drive down the wrong way.

And there's two significance in that. I was driving. I was not a bus or a passenger. I was the one driving. And I chose to drive down the wrong way. And so thankfully in the dream, I recognized I was going down the wrong way and turned around to search for the right street.

My dream ended before I ended up on the right street, but I know I turned back during the dream. When I go off the rails of my own standards and principles, that's when I feel the most unfulfilled. But when you align your life with your core value, you start to engage in activities, make decision, and do things that...

resonate with your authentic self. Does that make sense? So what can we do when we find ourselves down this path year after year after year, feeling unfulfilled, feeling distressed over not achieving our goals, not...

being where we want to be. Each year we get to December and it's not where we want to be. One of the best ways, one of the most effective ways is to align yourself with your core value. Start by figuring out what matters to you. Is it being creative? Is it helping others?

Is it personal growth? Is it watching your children succeed? And think about these things. I like to encourage self-reflection. And this is one of those times when you could go deep and start thinking about what matters to you, what's important to you. And it's important to write these things, these thoughts and reflections down.

You can use a notebook or a journal or post-it notes, anything that will help you go back and remind yourself what you wrote down. A journal can be a powerful tool to help you and to remind you of what your dreams and aspirations were or what you've achieved. I know a lot of people talk about goal setting.

I'm one of those people. And with it being January, the beginning of the year, it's when we most focus on goals and dreams and aspiration, but we need to change the way we do things. I think it was Jim Rohn who said, the definition of doing the same thing over and over again, getting the same result, the result you don't want or need is insanity. And so maybe it's time to take a step back.

and do some self-reflection and see if it is, if the reason you're not getting where you want to be is because you're not your true self. You're living someone else's life. Trust me. I know what that feels like because I have gone through that in several areas of my life, at different stages of my life. And

I know that when you're raising children, you're in the throes of motherhood, especially if you're mothering alone, it is hard to focus on you. And some of us are really reluctant to focus on ourselves, but it is very important to do that. Even when you're torn from different angles by your kids' needs, because you're not much

good at problem solving, we're not much good at problem solving, when we're tired, stressed out, and pulled in every direction, and our needs and goals and dreams are unmet. So remember that. I am not talking about anything I'm not familiar with. I raised my two youngest sons alone, and partially my first son.

So the one thing you have to remind yourself of though, is that fulfillment isn't something that occurs like that. It's a journey, right? It's about daily choices you make and on how to live in an authentic way, how to live as you, the core you, the real you. So embrace this process and celebrate.

the progress you make in doing this. Again, it's not a marathon. So if you get up tomorrow morning, if you start today and you got some things done, but tomorrow morning you get up and it's like all hell breaks loose and you didn't get to do what you had planned to do for this exercise, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Live. Life happens.

and it's okay. Be patient with yourself and maybe if you get a minute to go back to the day before when you actually did something. Because true fulfillment is found in the moments when we live in harmony with our true selves. So it's not, you don't have to be struggling.

challenges will come to prevent you from doing what you want to do and to interrupt your schedule. But you do not have to struggle, especially when you give yourself grace, when you're patient with yourself, and when you understand that life is for living and you need to live. So I hope this helps you to understand that

you can find true fulfillment. It's not elusive. It will just take some concerted effort. It is not more, it is different. So what I'm trying to say is that it's not more work, it's just different work, right? And if you don't do it, if you don't work on it, if you don't spend time,

on these things on you, then nothing will happen. You will be 50, 60, 70, 80, and everything will look the same except your face in the mirror. Remember that. I wanted to point out these things because I've been going through some, saw a series of different reflection.

And I wanted to go through some things with you. Tony Robbins says, to have an extraordinary quality of life, you need two skills. You need the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment. But you have to create that joyful life. Nobody can make you joyful or make you happy. And it requires you to be mindful and to...

to learn how to act and react with the world around you, right? So what is joy and fulfillment? Jesus says in John 15, 11, these things have I spoken to you that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full. When it comes to finding real joy, true joy and fulfillment in your life, people often find themselves looking at

in all the wrong places. But what is joy and fulfillment really? How can we achieve a fulfilled and joyful life? Joy and fulfillment are different kinds of happiness that involves a sense of contentment and satisfaction with who we are and with our life. And these are my tips for achieving.

while you're writing down and doing the self-reflection, these are some of my tips for achieving true joy and deep fulfillment. Number one is overcome negative thoughts and beliefs. Joel Astine said, when negative thoughts come, it's not enough to just not dwell on it. You've got to replace it with positive thoughts. The second thing you will need to do is

to discover your gifts on purpose. It's Joy Gulliver who says, the meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. And maybe right now, if your children are young, for you, your purpose is raising well-balanced children. And that's okay. Living a joyful life isn't hard.

It just takes some intention and commitment. And the third, and I think the most important thing you could do to live joyfully and with pure fulfillment is to practice self-care and self-love. One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to

Give ourselves the love we're often dreaming about receiving from others. That's a quote from Bell Hooks. Let's face it, life can get overwhelming at times. Deadlines, obligations, traffic, and the daily grind of work, it can seem like you're fighting an uphill battle. One of the key factors that can help you maintain a positive outlook though is to build and strengthen your connection.

So if you feel alone, you probably are, but you're not. You probably feel like there's no one in the world who thinks about you, cares about you, or love you. But it's not true. And sometimes you will have to step out of your comfort zone and connect with people. Respond when they text or call. Join a group.

You know, we have Solar Moms Connect. Join a group, join a meetup group. Go on a Zoom once a month with somebody who you could just talk with. It makes a lot of difference, believe me. When we feel lonely, we're not lacking in love. We are disconnected from love. That's a quote by Young Con Chan. I'm gonna say that again because when we feel lonely,

We're not lacking in love. We're disconnected from love. One of the true, one of the keys to unlocking true fulfillment is building and strengthening meaningful connections around us. Building connection has many benefits, including improving quality of life. It's how you get the resources you need to raise

those well-balanced children you're trying to raise, right? It's how you get ideas on how to calm the relationship between you and your teen. It's how you get tips on how to find a mentor for your son. Building those connections is how you can network with people who can mentor you.

or refer you to a job you're looking for, a job opportunity that can help you. So I encourage you, I encourage you with this episode to make note of these points. And the next point I wanna make is learn to live in the moment. I was laughing last night while I was reflecting on this episode.

because I remember way back when my two youngest, when I was struggling to raise them, I used to wish they could reach 18. I used to long for them to get to 18 when they could go off to college and be able to live their lives on their own terms. Because at times I was scared that I wasn't doing a good job with them or I couldn't handle raising them. And so I struggled living in the moment.

So I encourage you that when you think about those things, think about those children and remember that they grow up fast because time runs faster than we expect. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. Abraham Maslow. And appreciate the little things. Celebrate small wins says Seth Gordon. Next is

Be mindful of your choices and actions. Everything is created twice. First in the mind and then in reality. Rabin Sharma. Reflect and set positive intentions. When your intention is clear, so is your way. Build a vision. Make it plain. Your emotional intelligence. There's an old fashioned word for the body of skills.

that emotional intelligence represents. It's called character. That quote is by Daniel Goldman. Develop a growth mindset. Previously I mentioned write the vision down. So have a vision for yourself. But vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to steer up the steps. We must also step up the stairs. That's a quote from Vaclav Havel.

Because imagine planning a trip. You have all the steps, all the maps and GPS ready and everything, and you get in your car and you never start to drive. That is what having a vision without action looks like. Leading a joyful life starts with having a growth mindset. A growth mindset is a belief that we can learn, grow, and improve ourselves over time without limits.

It is understanding our abilities, intelligence and talents can be developed through hard work, dedication and effort. Next, we need to develop gratitude and kindness. You know, I'm gonna tell you that it is very hard to be kind and grateful.

especially after a divorce. And especially if you got the wrong end of the stick, right?

But when gratitude becomes an essential foundation in our lives, miracles start to appear everywhere. Emmanuel Doher. A life of fulfillment is possible, but to achieve this, we must learn to infuse our lives with the habits of gratitude and kindness. Meaning we give thanks, but we also remember, remember that

Other people deserve grace as well, deserve grace, even your ex, even the co-parent. And one of my favorite things is, one of my favorite points is we have to learn to set personal goals. Now I've talked to, I've interviewed probably about 300 people in the last few years.

And the moms, the solo moms I've interviewed often said that they don't have time to set goals for themselves. don't, you know, they can't think about themselves because it's selfish, right? Once you mention personal, they recoil. But let me tell you something. When you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places.

that will amaze you says Les Brown. And when you go those places, you don't go alone. You take in your kids and your family with you. So remember that at the risk of making this episode longer than I intended, I have to tell you this story. One of my longstanding dreams and goals is to travel, to travel the world, spend time in different countries. And I remember telling someone I met this and I was telling her that

I'm doing this for my children and grandchildren so they can learn that it's okay to travel. It's okay to visit and immerse yourself in other cultures. And she was like, no, you're not doing it for them. You're doing it for yourself. Solemn mom, don't let anybody throw you off your course because whatever legacy you leave will affect your children and generations to come. So

I wanted to remind you that whatever your dreams are, whatever your goals are, you are leaving a legacy whether you intended to or not. So what will your children tell your grandkids about grandma? We all want to experience more joy and satisfaction, but how do we make it happen? One great way is to set those personal goals. So I want to

Encourage your solar mom. If life is unpredictable and chaotic and you are in that space where you're feeling unfulfilled, there you go again in that place living somebody else's life because you just can't imagine how you ended up here. This is encouragement. These are tools.

and strategies that can help you develop your own life, your own fulfillment and peace, your own joy. And remember John 15 verse 11, these things have I spoken unto you that my joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full. Thank you for listening.