Taming Picky Eaters: How to Build Healthy Eating Habits in Kids w/Dr. Lum Frundi

J. Rosemarie Francis (00:00.254) Solo mom, are you frustrated with your child because they are just what you would call a picky eater? Then this episode is for you. J. Rosemarie Francis (00:00) My guest today is Dr. Lam Frandy. Welcome, Dr. Lam. I appreciate you coming back and talking to us at Solo Moms Talk. How are you? Lum Frundi (00:10) I'm doing well, and you. J. Rosemarie Francis (00:13) I am doing fine and I'm so happy that you decided to come back and join us. The last time we had a little bit of a recording snafu and lost our wonderful interview, but we're back. Yes, yes. The good thing about podcasting is you, you're in control, right? Yes, all right. Well, before we get into what you do, Dr. Lam, could you tell us who are you? Lum Frundi (00:25)

Right, right.

Right. Right.

I am Dr. Lomfruende. I am a pediatrician and founder of Generational Wellbeing. I help mothers who have kids who are picky eaters or who are struggling to get their kids to eat the right stuff to help their kids get to eat and build a healthy relationship with food.

J. Rosemarie Francis (01:00)

Okay, all right, thank you. Picky eaters, every mother is familiar with the picky eaters, right? And what constitutes a picky eater?

Lum Frundi (01:07)

Right.

And every child is very different and picky eating could vary from child to child. And usually I'll say a kid who maybe run away from certain foods, perhaps certain preferences, but they're still okay with trying. Now that's usual developmental stage for most kids. Now there are other kids who may go beyond picky eating.

who have the avoidance and restrictive, those are not the kids we're talking about. They are those kids who need serious long-term care and therapy. We're talking about those who are going through that developmental phase or who are just strong-willed kids. Yes, yes.

J. Rosemarie Francis (01:55)

Okay, all right. And it is a frustration for mothers. know because I raised three sons and what is it that is frustrating about a child who just don't wanna eat the way you want them to eat?

Lum Frundi (02:17)

The frustration I think is, know, as a parent, you want to nourish your kids. As a parent, you want the best for them. And when you come with that best and it's rejected, it's just frustrating. I'm trying to do this for you and stuff. as a parent, it can be extremely frustrating. Now, once it comes to the kids side of it, you know, they go through that phase where you have that...

J. Rosemarie Francis (02:29)

Yeah.

Lum Frundi (02:40)

newborn baby, they're eating everything and then they get to that six to nine month age, they just want to grab everything, they're opening their mouths when they're eating. And then you transition to the two year phase where they're now asserting themselves, they know what they want, they know what they don't want, they've understood and know how to use their voice and they know how to use no and they know how to cry for attention.

J. Rosemarie Francis (03:01)

Yes. Yes.

Lum Frundi (03:07)

And it gets to that point where they're trying to figure it out and it's that control part two where it's like, this is who I am, this is what I want, and this is what I don't want. So natural developmental phase two for the child.

J. Rosemarie Francis (03:16)

Alright.

Okay, all right, good. And so we come to the part where we talk about control while giving them freedom to choose. So how does a mother balance that, making sure the child who's fussy about what they eat learn to eat properly while at the same

you know, feeling like they're in control of what they put in their mouth. I mean, for a two-year-old, it's a hard place to be. So tell us, how do we do that?

Lum Frundi (03:52)

Yeah, so I say parents, you're in control of what comes into the house, right? The two year old is not, well, sometimes they go to the grocery store and they want what they want from there, but you're in control of what you bring into the house. So I usually say bring into the household what you're comfortable with them eating. Because if you have a lot of snacks, a lot of chips and all of those things.

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:06)

Right?

Lum Frundi (04:16)

The two-year-old's brain is not like it's bad for me. The two-year-old's brain is like, I see it, I want it, and that's all I want. So I usually would start by controlling at least what you bring into the house, that anything you bring into the house is fair game. So that's the boundary we're talking about where it comes to the parent, where I'm bringing into the house the things that I'm comfortable with you eating. Now, the two-year-old's option then is to, I'm going to eat this, I'm not gonna eat that.

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:23)

Yes.

Hmm

Lum Frundi (04:46)

but then you've controlled the options that you're presenting. Are you gonna eat carrots today or apples? Are you gonna eat a banana today or an orange? So we're giving them the choices where they feel like they are making those choices for themselves, but we are controlling and putting the boundaries as to how much I have available and what I have.

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:55)

Right.

Right, right. Yeah, makes sense. Okay. So the, often say to my son regarding my grandkids, cause he'd go, she has her own mind. And I'm like, well, yeah. But you have to draw that boundary, right? So, so yeah, that's, that's, that's important. And you mentioned generational when you, when you were talking, when you were introducing yourself.

Lum Frundi (05:24)

Right.

It is.

J. Rosemarie Francis (05:36)

because a lot of what we learn as parents growing up, we try to either keep our kids from or force them into. So how do we balance that the way we grew up eating, especially if we're from this ethnic background, how do we balance that? We're making sure our kids not only eat healthy now, but have something to take forward into adulthood so they can

They can get their kids to eat better.

Lum Frundi (06:08)

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because we end up eating the way our parents eat, right? We end up eating the same textures, taste, it's spicy or bland, because our parents, that's what we're familiar with. So I say start by modeling it to them. Like, how did that eating serve you? Our parents, we do the best we know how to. As they do the best you know how to until you do better and then you do better.

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:21)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Lum Frundi (06:34)

That's not original for me, by the way. Now, once you know better and we know that these foods are deep fried, are causing a lot of these chronic disease conditions, or certain amounts of foods are causing these problems, as a parent now, that I know better, I'll start eating better in front of my kids because I know that they see me and I know that the picture they have of me, where I'm eating is what they'll carry on.

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:36)

Ha!

Lum Frundi (07:01)

to feed their kids and their kids and all of that stuff. I was started with really modeling is a big thing where we start out modeling. I grew up in that ethnic culture too, where the rules were you have to clean up your plate, right? You have to finish everything on your plate. And down the line, I found that I was overeating. I could not stop because...

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:03)

huh. Yeah.

Yep.

Lum Frundi (07:27)

I could not get myself to waste food. You're wasting food. You can't throw food away. So we end up overeating. And when you overeat, you end up with digestive issues where your body, your stomach is so full that you're not digesting food like you're supposed to. So after you eat, you're tired, you're bloated, you have pain, you have fatigue and all of the symptoms. But now you know better like, okay.

J. Rosemarie Francis (07:30)

Right. Yes.

Hmm.

Lum Frundi (07:50)

I'd rather throw that food away than experience the symptoms. So instead now that we know that finishing is not the right thing to do, instead of pushing our kids to clean your plates then, we can put smaller portion sizes where we know that it's enough for them to eat. But if they want a second, they can always come back for seconds if they do need it, rather than trying to finish up or put that pressure on them, like you gotta clean your plates and stuff.

J. Rosemarie Francis (08:13)

Great, great.

Right. Yeah, I can totally relate to that. And especially when the background, you know, you're a solo mom and you're trying to watch the pennies and you, you know, you scramble to get this wonderful meal for them. And then they kind of just scraping stuff off to decide. And, you know, a solo mom can relate to that. Like, my God, I'm wasting all this food. And so.

rather than doing what you suggest, we tend to just try to force it down their bellies. So I appreciate that because that help too late for me now, but hopefully helps a solo mom listening who may think that the best way to do this is to just get it off their plate into their stomach. So yeah, I really appreciate you. Okay, so we know you're a pediatrician.

But do you do things for your parents or that benefit children? Like what do you do for your clients? Not just you serving kids. Do you follow? Yeah.

Lum Frundi (09:32)

Yeah, yes.

You know, when I went into pediatrics, I thought it was all about the kids, but I mean, the kids don't make the decisions. So I really, in essence, help the parents help the kids, right? So usually what I would do is everybody's situation is different. Every child is so different. One child's reason for being picky may be different from another child. So what I do is I help the parents really create a unique plan for their family.

J. Rosemarie Francis (09:40)

Yeah.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Lum Frundi (10:01)

put it into consideration, you're a solo mom, you're a busy mom, you don't have time to sit in there and create three different dishes for your kid, and your kid will not eat. So we come together and really sit down and do that planning together. Who is your kid? What are your kids' preferences? What's your routine like? What is realistic to you? Because we can come up with a fantastic plan, but if you don't have the bandwidth to pull it through.

J. Rosemarie Francis (10:08)

Yes, yes.

Lum Frundi (10:27)

it's not going to do anything. So what I really do is really go through the process of intake. I see where they're coming from, what their unique situation is, how many kids do you have, what's each kid's unique situation, and come up with a plan that is not as stressful, but really supporting the mom in her parenting journey where we feel like we're doing the best for our kids or really nourishing our kids and help them grow.

J. Rosemarie Francis (10:27)

Yeah.

Yes.

Lum Frundi (10:54)

And also, and I keep coming back to building that relationship with food because that is important too. And sometimes you just throw the food and then we're busy, busy taking care of other things. We're just incorporating in that we're like, I have to sit down and I have to really eat with them. They have to be there. It could be that moment where I'm giving you 10 minutes of my time because I value you. Because once I talk to, especially with teenagers, they would say, there was a...

J. Rosemarie Francis (10:59)

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yes.

Lum Frundi (11:23)

A survey with the high school, think a few years ago, where they asked the teenagers about what they would like for their parents or their teachers to know. They said, I would like for them to see me.

J. Rosemarie Francis (11:36)

yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. Okay, all right, thank you. And that brings me to, think something we talked about last time is that the meal time can be something we use for more than just eating, right? Can you talk about that?

Lum Frundi (11:37)

Yeah, to see me, like I am here, right? We're doing all of these things for them, but like, yeah, so it's part of it, right? Building that relationship through food.

Right.

So, mealtime is a time to, to, for break for you, right? Break for everybody. It's a time where you can sit down with the foods, depending on again, where you are to really connect with your kid. We're sitting down, we're eating together, we're talking about our day. We're trying to understand our kids' preferences, right? Especially with the picky eater, huh?

I don't like carrots. Why? Like, what is it about the carrots that you don't like? Is it, do you prefer soft? Do you prefer crunchy? Do you a stir-fry and stuff? So usually I'll tell my patients that the kids that saying, I don't like it is no longer an acceptable feedback, right? You have to tell me why. Cause then as you're understanding through food, you're building that relationship, you're understanding

J. Rosemarie Francis (12:38)

Bye.

Yeah.

Lum Frundi (13:00)

your kids' needs because we're all uniquely created. Every child is so different because I like crunchy doesn't mean my kid will like crunchy. For me to force that on my kid is really saying that your needs are not valued. Yeah, so it's a time to really sit in front of the food and get to connect and get to know your kid beyond that plate.

J. Rosemarie Francis (13:09)

Right.

Bye bye.

Yes, yes, for sure. Thank you. And I would assume too, it's a time for if the kids see you eating something over and over and over again, they might think, maybe I'll try and just see. Mommy seems to like it. So, yeah, so there's a lot of benefits to sitting down with your kids and boy, it's hard. But yeah, I guess we have to figure out a way to make it work. Yeah.

Lum Frundi (13:34)

Yeah, modeling, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

It is, right, well it is hard,

but when you look at it, and I used to think that, until you start looking at it in perspective, what are the things you value the most? A lot of times we say our kids and so many things, and then you go through your day. How much time do you really spend doing the things that you say you value? Because you end up prioritizing and making time for the things that you value the most. So if you're, I could be saying every day,

J. Rosemarie Francis (14:08)

Yeah

Yes.

Lum Frundi (14:17)

my kids I value and they're number one. But once you go through your day, like how much time am I spending? So are they really? So, and we're not talking about one hour, we're talking about 10, 15 minutes, 30 minutes and stuff. And depending on how much time you have, could start with food prep, right? It doesn't have to be the time just sitting around and talking.

J. Rosemarie Francis (14:23)

Yeah.

Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Lum Frundi (14:42)

Because food prep also is a good time. Okay, I wonder if we add a little bit of this, now you taste it and see. Because the food prep itself, I'm still connecting with you around that time. And you're helping me out and I'm teaching you how to cook. I'm getting to understand your taste preferences. Okay, I don't like this one and stuff. And that still exposes the kid to the foods because one other thing with picky eating is lack of familiarity. So you can't just bring something new and put on the table.

J. Rosemarie Francis (14:42)

Bye.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Lum Frundi (15:12)

Well, I'll explain to my parents that it's like you're going to a different country and they put maybe snails or something in front of you and said, this is a delicacy. And you look at it and you're playing it like, I...

J. Rosemarie Francis (15:12)

Yes.

Yeah. Right.

No. Yeah.

Lum Frundi (15:26)

No way. And someone is standing on top of your head and saying, you got to eat it. Not

only eat it, you have to finish it. So it puts a lot of pressure and anxiety around the food where every time it's it's dinner time, you can imagine the anxiety going through. It's like, I don't know what else she has for me. Something new, something foreign. So again, but interaction during, whether it's food prep and other times too, it helps them.

J. Rosemarie Francis (15:34)

Yes.

Yeah.

I know, yeah. Yeah.

Lum Frundi (15:56)

helps them to become familiar with it. And like you said, you eating in front of them is showing them, just them seeing that it helps them to become familiar with it too, where down the line now I can eat it because I've seen it. I've seen it multiple times and I know it.

J. Rosemarie Francis (15:58)

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, yes. Yeah,

yeah, definitely. And them helping to prepare it to is, you know, give them more incentive to want to taste it and maybe eat it too, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I had one guess. We're talking about reading and how to teach kids to read. And one of the ways they suggested was that while you're cooking, have them read the labels or, you know,

Lum Frundi (16:22)

Yes. Yeah.

J. Rosemarie Francis (16:36)

So that really has, it has multiple effects. When we complain about not enough time because we're raising these children alone, there are multiple ways you could incorporate different things that you do for your children, right? For the needs and health of your family. So yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah.

Lum Frundi (16:54)

Absolutely. And

even with that too, I have it too where there's certain things. I'm teaching my daughter how to read too. So sometimes, you you have to go to the grocery store with them and you know, you get into the grocery store, everything that you don't want them to eat is right at their eye level. And that's all they see and that's all they want. So we have a rule, before you pick anything, you have to look at the label.

J. Rosemarie Francis (17:11)

Yep.

Yeah.

Lum Frundi (17:22)

If there's any red, blue, yellow dye on it, we're not getting it. It's a non-negotiable. If there's like a lot of sugar in it, we're not getting it. So now I'm not only teaching you how to read, I'm teaching you how to look at those things that are in the foods that are not good and healthy for your body. And you know that that's not an option. So that brings down the number of options that like every now and then you're like, okay, let's pick one thing. We always have that deal too. You get to pick one thing, but now with the one thing you're picking.

J. Rosemarie Francis (17:22)

Mm.

Hmm.

You're right. Yes.

Lum Frundi (17:51)

You have to look through the label and see, does it have red dye? It doesn't have red dye, mommy, we can have this one. Like, okay. You're reading and you're picking stuff and you're looking at what you need. So it goes through multiple phases where you can still shop with your kid and teach them how to read and teach them what you're looking for or what things are good for your body.

J. Rosemarie Francis (17:54)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, yes, that's pretty awesome. Thank you. I appreciate you. All right. So tell us how we can get in touch with you. Give us your handles, your websites, stuff like that.

Lum Frundi (18:23)

So I am on Facebook. I have a Facebook group, Generational Wellbeing. Or you can find me on Instagram at DrLumMD. I am still working on my website. I do have a YouTube channel. It's Healthy Kids, Kids Nutrition and Peaky Eaters. Yeah.

J. Rosemarie Francis (18:31)

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

All right. Thank you. We'll put those in the show notes as well. So what is Dr. Lum grateful for today?

Lum Frundi (18:50)

I'm grateful for the sunshine. It's been cold. I am grateful for sunshine today. It has been cold and gloomy and we don't understand how much it means to have sunshine on so you miss it. So yes.

J. Rosemarie Francis (19:06)

Yeah,

yeah, believe me, I spent last winter in London, so I know. Yeah, yeah, definitely. All right. OK, so I appreciate you coming and talking to us. And I'm going to hit on something that may be familiar to us and some of our audience members. Being born Jamaican, I hated the food. And I remember spending a lot of time throwing it

Lum Frundi (19:09)

Yeah.

J. Rosemarie Francis (19:35)

behind my back. And in retrospect, I know it was good food. I was getting good things for my body, but I didn't want it while I was a child because they just say, you know, you know. And so I often wondered because my kids now used to ask me, mom, can you cook Jamaican food? And I'm thinking, you know, no, no way, no way. And

Lum Frundi (19:49)

Right, right, right.

J. Rosemarie Francis (20:04)

I am wondering how we could still keep our kids connected to that legacy of whether it's Jamaican or African or foreign foods in the US, keep our kids connected to that legacy, to that ancestral eating, way of eating by

How could we do that still, even though we ourselves didn't really like that stuff?

Lum Frundi (20:45)

Okay, now it comes in different ways. Now, why didn't you like it? Was it the taste or was it the anxiety because of everything that happened, right? Is it like, here's the food, eat it. And you're still like, every time you smell that food, you have that memory of just anxiety, this pleasantness, and stuff like that. It could be, or you may just be one of those who prefer the bland foods, which is okay.

Now, if you're like, okay, I'm at a point where I want to get back to the foods, now you can start making the foods not traditionally the way your parents made it, but the way it tastes too good to you. Whether it's, you know, pick one traditional meal and just make it that's suiting to your taste. I do the same with my kids. There are certain meals I like, there are certain meals I don't like, but I still try to put something at least traditional African vegetable and stuff in front of my kids.

Now the difference I've made is we like it spicy. So I don't make it spicy for her because I know that's a no go. She does not like spicy. So it's just either just doing it the same and then modifying it. Yeah, if it's something like crawfish and stuff that is strong in smell or has a very strong smell and you know that your kids are very bland in nature, I just take that part out. So do it where we're still having them eat those foods because

J. Rosemarie Francis (21:48)

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Bye.

Lum Frundi (22:10)

There's something about food and eating foods from where you come from, because our bodies would build those nutrients, those vegetables that are there for a reason to supply us those needs. So we can still use the same vegetables. You could still use the same spices and stuff, but modify to suit your current taste or your kids' taste, or maybe have an auntie who loves it. We're gonna visit auntie!

J. Rosemarie Francis (22:34)

Haha!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lum Frundi (22:37)

I have one of those, I have one of those. Yeah, I have that auntie who loves

to cook and then every month or every few months, like let's visit auntie who is going to do it. So it's still where we're still incorporating, they're getting used to all of that, but using your network in areas where, because sometimes as parents, we feel like we have to know everything and be all and do all, but sometimes there are areas where it's like, okay, I'm not really good at this, but you know, a sister or cousin or auntie who knows how to do it well.

J. Rosemarie Francis (22:57)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Bye.

Lum Frundi (23:07)

That's where

they come in. And then you balance, we all fit in. And there's something else that Auntie doesn't know how to do well, and that's how you come in. That way we're still building, but we're bringing that community together.

J. Rosemarie Francis (23:19)

Yes, yes, because that is one thing I wish I had thought about into the same. I'm not cooking a oxtail, you know. It's fine a way to cook it so that they like it, even if I don't. So yeah, yeah.

Lum Frundi (23:25)

Ehh

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, and I've had people like, yeah,

I cook it and I give it to them, but I don't eat it. But the kids love it, yes.

J. Rosemarie Francis (23:39)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Okay. I appreciate you coming again and talking to us. And I'm going to ask you to give us three quick tips that a solo mom could use. Especially if she's frustrated now with trying to get her child to eat properly.

Lum Frundi (24:01)

Okay, the first thing I would say is have grace. It takes time. Be patient. With time, like you said, your kids are now asking you about those foods, right? With time, as the kids see you do the things, eat the things you want them to eat, eventually they'll take to it. I've seen kids who will be picky until they turn eight, nine, and they start eating. Some kids get into teenager stage and they suddenly start eating.

The goal is that you be patient and model to them how you want them to eat. The second thing is our kids are assets. They will help you. We just have to ask. Based on their developmental stage, they want to help you. They want to be there. They want, like I said, they want you to see them. And part of seeing them is engaging them and asking because they want you to ask because they feel valued when you do that.

J. Rosemarie Francis (24:31) Yeah Mm. Lum Frundi (24:58) So sometimes I say, Solo mon, besides giving yourself grace, your kids are there for you. J. Rosemarie Francis (25:07) Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Dr. Lamprandi for coming and talking to us today. I hope we could continue this conversation some other time because it's so big, it's so deep, it's so wide, and it's so fun. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Lum Frundi (25:21) It is, it is. Well, thank you for having me back. J. Rosemarie Francis (25:27) Absolutely.

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